we meet again...

Well, this is awkward.  I did that thing again: that thing where I abandon my blog for about a year...  Oops!  There seems to be a pattern: one year off, one year on, always beginning in autumn.  Maybe I just need to accept that there will be breaks -- it happens to the best of us. Sometimes I just get burnt out on having a public blog (no matter how small the audience) and need to hibernate for a while.

So what have I been up to?  Last time I posted, Audrey had turned one and was just beginning to walk.  Now we're counting down the days until her second birthday, and she does so much more than that.  I don't even know where to begin, but I guess I could start with the fact that she basically speaks in complete sentences now.  She is a charming little toddler!  She sings, dances, climbs everything in sight, and is extremely lovable (and mischievous).

As for myself, I was extremely depressed last winter.  Finally, in February of this year, I saw a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with social anxiety and a mood disorder... I began taking medication which has been AMAZING.  Things improved so, so much.  Honestly, social anxiety and mood swings have been a part of my life for over a decade.  But I always found a way to cope, until I had Audrey.  I'm not sure if I ever let it show, but I had extreme Postpartum Depression.  This went undiagnosed for over a year.  I constantly tried to rationalize what I was feeling as "normal mom stuff," but now any time I look at one of those lists of PPD symptoms, I can't even believe that I had myself and everyone else fooled.  Anyway, all that is to say that things were rough for a while, but they got better.  Like everyone in the world, I am a work in progress.

What else?  I've made a couple of real-life mom friends that I see fairly regularly for play dates.  I'm an admin for a fairly large group of moms on Facebook, which takes up a lot of my time.  We can call it "volunteer" work, but mostly it's just fun and incredibly fulfilling to be a part of something so big.  I've also found a really soft spot in my heart for helping people, and have begun setting up fundraisers for members of our group when they hit tough times.  It feels amazing to help people.  (Hey, who knew?!) I've also been doing yoga on a semi-regular basis for most of this year.  I really love it, and hope to be a little more consistent with my practice.

So now I'm just enjoying the amazing fall weather and our little family.  I'll throw some current pictures in here to entertain you... and hopefully be back soon with more to say!

I love my little family

My two favorite people!

It seems really lucky that I get to live with my two favorite people in the world and see them all the time.  I'll admit that Audrey has not always been in the Top 2.  But she is definitely there now!  She actually cheered me up this morning when I was feeling down; she has become a REAL person!  Hanging out with a newborn can leave you a little lonely, but once the baby knows how to smile and laugh and practically crawl into your lap...  She is definitely very dear to me. We tell each other jokes by growling and making puppy noises.  Yesterday, "woof" was the funniest thing she'd ever heard.

And ohmigosh, I can't even brag about Robert enough.  I won't even try.  But look, he wrote me this story for Mother's Day.  We read it over breakfast (homemade cinnamon rolls!) and it totally made me cry.  You don't have to read it, and I don't even know if it will be impressive to anyone else because it's so personal (and also steeped in duck metaphors).  But it was just the sweetest thing ever.  I am so lucky to have found this guy.  Where did he even come from!?  He's probably not even human.

Sorry for posting about mother's day twice in a row!  I had something else planned but it kind of fell through... Maybe later! 

P.S.!!  That necklace I'm wearing?  Robert also got me two wooden teething necklaces from here so that I can wear jewelry now (and it's totally fine if Audrey tries to eat it)!  Pretty neat!

P.P.S. Robert doesn't just happen to be an amazing gift-giver...  I requested both the necklaces and a story!  (And he was sweet enough to oblige.)  I like to give hints about what I want.  Only way you'll ever get it.  :) 

Happy Mother's Day!

BABY HUUUUUGS!

It's my first Mother's Day!  So far, it's a pretty good day.  Robert has been 100% on board with making things easy and fun for me.  Audrey didn't get the memo.  But I suppose I can forgive her.... She is awfully cute.

Mother's Day was always one of those holidays that I didn't appreciate as a kid.  What's in it for me?  Seemed like a waste!  HAHA.  It wasn't until I had a baby that I suddenly realized how hard mothers work.  It actually overwhelmed me, in the early days, to think about all the mothers before me having to go through such hardships.  Babies are HARD WORK.  It sounds obvious, but I never really quite understood until I was dealing with one 24/7.  She is a total treasure, but man.... I deserve presents.  And treats!  And pampering!

I'm totally on board with Mother's Day now.  Happy Mama's Day to all of you out there with little ones!  And those of you who aren't moms... don't forget to appreciate your own!  She worked hard to take care of you.

Toes and Things

I painted my toenails this past weekend, for the first time since Audrey was born.  That's how I know that warm weather has arrived.  (You know, that and being able to check the weather...)

Sometimes I get curious about who stumbles upon this blog and how, and I look at my analytics.   Oddly enough, one of the most used search terms to find my blog is "webbed toes."  Even though I'm sure I only mentioned it about once, 3 years ago.  Yes, I have webbed toes!  No, it's not a big deal.  When I was a kid it felt like a big deal.  I thought I was some kind of weirdo and was totally ashamed of them.  They caused me so much anxiety that my mom took me to a podiatrist to see about having them separated, but we were told that it could cause nerve damage so we decided to leave it alone.  And when I was a senior in high school, I realized that I could show them off, and most people thought they were pretty neat.  (Well, one kid acted like they were disgusting, but I just taunted him with them.  That's what you have to do with your mutations!)  As an adult, I love my toes.  Most people don't even notice what I'm talking about until I point them out: the second and third toes are slightly webbed.  No big deal.  NO, I AM NOT A GOOD SWIMMER.  (That's the #1 question that people ask, seriously.)

I thought there was pretty much no chance of me passing on the toes -- the only other person I'm aware of in my family who has them is my mom's second cousin.  But Audrey did end up getting a bit of webbing!  Just on her right foot, and it's barely noticeable.  I was so happy to hear that when she was born.  She's definitely my little duckling.  And when she gets older, if it bothers her, I'm glad that she'll have me to look up to, as a full-fledged toe weirdo. 

This type of webbed toe situation is SO SO common.  As a child with webbed toes, I was very aware of what everyone else's toes looked like, and I came to realize that these aren't so odd.  A guy in my 9th grade history class had the same toes.  I never talked to him about it, but I thought it was brave of him to wear sandals.  I met a baby at a church once who had the same toes.  Do a google search...  Check out this awesome tattoo idea.

So, any other fellow webbies out there?  (Robert calls me Webby because of my toes!)  Who are you mysterious people who are searching for webbed toes?  Do you think they're cute?  Do you think they're weird?  I think they're awfully neat, and nothing to be ashamed of.

feeding a baby: the cuteness and the struggles

Audrey isn't quite 5 months old yet, but we've already been doing a number of experiments with "real" food.  Our pediatrician said it was no big deal to begin introducing some foods, since she is already showing the signs of being ready.  She can sit up pretty well with minimal support and she's REALLY interested in everything we eat.  She's even getting a tooth, which seems crazy to me.  We've been giving her little tastes of fruit and vegetable purees.  She is a big fan of zucchini and pears, hates applesauce, and may or may not be into peaches (adding cinnamon seemed to pique her interest).

Putting her in her high chair and trying to spoon feed her has now become my favorite hobby... It's just so much fun to see how she's going to react to food!  And so messy too, but that's okay.  If she's about to have a bath, we really let her go wild.

We're not trying to rush into solid foods, but I won't pretend that I'm not looking forward to the day when she doesn't subsist wholly on bottles!  ...even though it is pretty sweet to snuggle up to her while she's drinking her bottle.  I don't want to delve too deeply into the topic here, but I'm sure most people have noticed (or not?) that Audrey is a bottle baby.  Any mom who goes the formula route probably feels a certain amount of guilt when all the experts go on and on about how breast is best.  I fully intended to breast feed Audrey before she was born, and I did for the first 3 weeks.  I feel like she got a good start.  And I'm sure I could have continued, but it was taking a big toll on me, physically and mentally. 

I just wasn't prepared for what a huge commitment it would be, to be the baby's sole source of nutrition.  Newborns eat about 12 times a day, and at first it took about 45 minutes each time I breastfed her.  I was going crazy.  There was a huge sleep deprivation issue... I couldn't handle being the one who had to wake up every time Audrey needed to eat in the night.  I couldn't take care of myself and hadn't prepared a safety net of supportive people.  I wasn't eating enough or drinking enough water, and started having these AWFUL headaches -- I even tried taking the Percocet they gave me at the hospital, but the headaches persisted.  I couldn't sleep when I had the headaches, I couldn't sleep when the baby was awake, I couldn't sleep when the baby was asleep (what if she woke up and needed me?!), I couldn't sleep at all.  I had nightmares about starving babies... I may have hallucinated a little.  I started resenting Audrey every time I had to feed her (which was often).  She has a small jaw and I think that made latching difficult -- nursing was always incredibly messy and we always both smelled like sour milk.  Life was looking dark.  I couldn't imagine our future, and I wasn't excited at all about my new life and role as a mother and milk machine... I wanted my body back.

I'm sure it would have gotten easier if I'd stuck with it.  But like I said, I was starting to resent my child.  And that is something that NO new mother should feel.  I knew something needed to change, as soon as possible.  We weren't going to survive.  So... I started trying new things.  I was so very frustrated with the nursing process that I just stopped one day.  I decided I would NEVER breastfeed again.  At first I was going to just pump my milk and bottle feed Audrey (so Robert could at least help with that).  After a whole day of constantly trying to keep up with the demanding baby, having to clean both the breast pump and the bottles... I knew it just wasn't going to work for me, at least not in that state of mind.  Looking back, I wish I had supplemented with formula and at least kept pumping a little so I could keep up SOME supply of breastmilk to give Audrey... but I was so out of it mentally that I just wanted to make a concrete choice and stick with it.  So we switched her completely to formula.

There was an IMMEDIATE improvement in my life.  The baby no longer depended on my body.  I could sleep again.  And things were just all around easier.  Of course... we found out a couple of weeks later that she was intolerant of cow's milk formula.  So there was a bit of a fiasco while we struggled to find something that would nourish our baby and not make her sick.  That took a whole month, probably.  It felt like 5 years.  (Every day with a newborn felt like a century to me, sort of.)  But she is a full on soy baby now!  A soy baby who likes to try new foods.  We've come so far in just a few months.  And everyone is so much HAPPIER now!!!  Life is awesome.

Oh my.  I said I wasn't going to delve into the issue, but I think that got pretty personal.  I have a lot of admiration for ladies who breastfeed and keep it up for a year or more!  But I think formula is a perfectly fine choice to make for your child.  Sometimes, it's just necessary.

just another Thursday...

Getting ready for summer

Baby sunglasses really cheer me up.  Audrey has another pair that are huge, and she always looks like a tiny Elton John when she wears them.  I can't control my laughter when they're on her head.

So, here's another week that's flying by, full of good intentions that keep getting put off... I need to get organized!  I feel like my brain is crazy and scattered lately, but it's a little bit fun.  The only time I really feel ON IT is when I've just had a huge cup of coffee.  At least we're getting a ton of sunshine lately!  I don't know what happened to the remainder of that sad excuse for a winter, but it's been in the 80s here lately.  Is it warm where you are?  Weather report!

Okay, carry on.  I have an exersaucer to assemble! 

jumble of thoughts [baby, baby, baby]

Thoughtful baby.

I blinked twice and a whole week passed me by!  But here I am!  Exhausted but happy on a Friday night.  Audrey started laughing this afternoon.  All week she's been building up to it; every once in a while when she was happy I'd hear a sort of half chuckle - a "huh!" sound between smiles.  And then suddenly today, there were giggles.  And life is all sunshine and lollipops now!  (Remind me of that when she wakes me up in a few hours.)

Bath time was also lovely today.  Audrey has enjoyed taking baths for a couple of months now, but she ALWAYS cries when we take her out to dry off.  We just expect a little tantrum.  But today, there were no tears!  No fussing at all.  I suppose we're both getting better at it.  I swear, if a baby senses your fear or anxiety, they freak out.  I was very calm with her and let her look out the bathroom window while I dried her off.  Getting her bathed and dried off and dressed with no crying?  Big breakthrough!!

Every new bit of her personality that shines through pleases me so much!  It's amazing how much she has changed and grown in the last three and a half months since she was born.  And it's amazing how quickly we adjust to each new phase.  Sometimes even prematurely.. she's slept all night 3 times so far and I keep expecting her to do it again - haha. Wishful thinking!

WHAT!?

I hope everyone has a lovely, restful weekend.  Check back here in the next few days for something a little more exciting than this!!

portrait of a 3-month old

The saddest, cutest thing ever - a baby who doesn't want to play dress up.

"Pleeease don't make me!!"

"Okay, only if I can stand up."

I love the way she's already mastered sulking.

Audrey is OFFICIALLY 3 months (and 6 days!) old now.  She is becoming such a precious little beast!  I knew she was cute from the start, and I've always been so proud of her, but I would say that it's just in the last few weeks we've become really close.  We've finally settled into a routine and enjoy spending our days together.

Before she was born I wasn't sure how much I would talk about her here... For privacy reasons as well as the fact that I was planning on doing much more with this space, and not just falling into the category of "mommy blogger."  But as anyone with a baby knows... it's nearly impossible to think of much else, especially when you stay home all day with your little one.  So I'm just going to let it happen, though hopefully I'll continue to post on other topics occasionally! 

I'm planning to post her birth story soon, because I haven't really written it all down anywhere and I don't want the memories to get lost.  I know before I had a baby I was fascinated by birth stories, and eager to hear about all of the possible ways it could go.  I'm still fascinated with them, but now they either make me jealous if they sound easier than mine, or grateful that mine went the way it did.  So I hope it won't be a great bore to anyone, but if so you can just skip over the post.  :)

Goals for the New Year

Another year is almost over! So much has changed, but it hardly feels like any time has passed at all since this time last year. It’s scary how quickly a year can pass, isn’t it? If you’re not careful, it can go by without accomplishing anything. Most of 2011 for me was consumed by pregnancy and all the planning, dreaming and doctor’s appointments that go along with it. My biggest goal for the year was to take care of myself and have a healthy baby, and I totally did that! It’s a big deal, so I’m patting myself on the back. Way to go, me!

I don’t really do resolutions, because we all know that those are made to be broken. But I do like to have some basic goals and dreams for the year, things I can look forward to and aim for. To quote Sylvia Plath, “We must be moving, working, making dreams to run toward; the poverty of life without dreams is too horrible to imagine…”

Here are my goals for 2012! In no particular order of importance…

• Get less squishy. Yeah, I had a baby a month ago. I gained 30 pounds during pregnancy and have already lost just about all of it. But things are just not the same! I’m a fairly lazy person, so I’m not going to push myself very hard, but I would like to work on firming up a bit.
• Be a better friend, family member, and neighbor. I want to keep in touch more with people. Having a baby has brought me so much closer to my parents, because they want a lot of updates and I need a lot of support! I want to keep that up, and also remember to reach out to friends. I’m a bit of a loner, and Robert and I tend to isolate ourselves and live in our own little world (we're such a duprass). I want to nourish and build our support system, because sometimes we need other people! Also…
• Make some friends who have children. We don’t have any! I’d like some future friends for baby, plus it’s always nice to talk to other mothers about things. (Because childless friends only want to hear so much about diapers and sleepless nights!)
• Remember to use my creative outlets. I want to find the time to blog regularly, keep up with my own personal journal and do a few little craft projects! Nothing too ambitious.  Maybe take a few photos that don't feature a baby.
• Enjoy every baby moment. This one sort of goes without saying, but I thought I’d say it anyway… I know the next year will fly as quickly as this one, and Audrey is going to go through so many changes! And on top of that…
• Enjoy every moment with Robert! I always knew that I didn’t want our relationship to get lost in the confusion of parenting, and so far we’ve been keeping it real. True, we don’t get as much quality time alone, but it’s the little moments that count. I always thought “date nights” sounded stupid, but now I feel like we’re due a few. I wouldn’t have survived the last few weeks without him. He has taken such good care of me!! Let me boast a little more: while I was recovering from giving birth he took over all the household chores, cooked and fed me (sometimes literally) 3 meals a day, and has been 100% involved in every bit of baby care. Plus he has big muscles. Haha. Seriously, though, I never want to stop letting him know every day how super in love with him I am.

Okay, I’ll stop before this gets out of control. What are your goals for the new year? Do you have lofty aspirations or do you keep it simple?

best friends forever!

welcome back, me!

This blog has taken a good long nap, but I think it’s time for a revival!  I’ve done a lot of thinking, reading, writing and growing in the past year.  I feel like I’ve become a more genuine person, more aware of who I am and who I want to be.  I’ve become more confident and comfortable with my own personality, and I’m ready to share again with anyone who’s willing to read! 

The activity here died down last year because I didn’t have a lot of excitement going on in life, and it was starting to bore even me!  I couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to read it.  I became anxious about putting out such mediocre content, and also a little paranoid about sharing my life with so many strangers.  I was having a lot of anxiety issues.  So I just sort of disappeared without warning.  I apologize to any readers who were worried about me, but no one really came looking for me so I assumed my absence was no big deal!  I decided not to stress about the blogosphere and just get on with my life.

What did I do with my quiet year?  I stopped reading so many blogs, especially fashion blogs.  I wore t-shirts and jeans nearly every day and didn't worry about dressing up.  I didn’t worry about vintage stuff or keeping an Etsy shop.  I decided I didn’t need to go back to school like I’d been talking about.  Last November, I found out I was pregnant and then a week later had a miscarriage.  That was another reason for not wanting to come back to blogging: what could I say about it?  I just wanted to be quiet and alone.  (But I am completely ready to talk about it now!)  I worked for an anger management counselor for a while.  I spent a nice Christmas in Texas with my family.  I got a really nice new laptop, and didn’t use it to blog.  I made a tumblr account, and didn't use it to blog.  We made more friends in real life.  I started working regularly at the goat farm, though I had to stop after a while.  Robert and I had our 3-year wedding anniversary and spent an interesting weekend on a river boat in Chattanooga.  Robert turned 30, I turned 25, and I found my first gray hair.  I became an excellent temporary receptionist.  None of it seemed blog-worthy!

But I’ve been growing in other ways too.  For the last 9 months…

18 weeks...

24 weeks...

31 weeks...

34 weeks...

38 weeks...

That’s right: I’m about to have a baby!  We had to wait 3 months after the miscarriage to try again.  It felt like forever, because we’d become really set on having a baby.  But  we did it!  Early pregnancy was scary and I was considered high risk for a while - we found out I had low progesterone as well as low thyroid levels.  We got all of that fixed up and crossed our fingers that it would turn out okay.  And so far, it has.  (I'll get back to you after the whole "birth" experience.)  Looking back from this point, it has been a relatively normal and healthy pregnancy!  But I’ve also been to more doctors in the past year than in all of my previous years of life combined.  It’s a little ridiculous.

Our estimated due date is in 8 days.  I’ve already started dilating and labor could begin at any time in the next couple of weeks!  Needless to say, it’s an exciting time.  What does the future hold?  Well, for a while I’m just going to be a stay at home mom and have a good time raising our daughter.  We are so excited about everything to come!  And I don’t know if it’s the thyroid medication or just the building excitement of pregnancy, but I’ve had such a good attitude about everything for the past several months.  I’m looking forward to every new stage of life that's coming up.

So why am I reviving this old blog?  To record all of the new excitement, and to share it with old friends.  I feel very inspired and have a lot of ideas about what I want to do here!  I’m not making any promises about what I will blog about or how often I will write.  I’m not putting any pressure on myself.  But I do want to give blogging another go.  I think I'm ready: I stayed awake almost ALL NIGHT writing future posts in my brain.  It was very irritating, but that tells me that I'm excited about this and I should move forward.

If you’re one of my old readers (or a new one!), please drop in to say hello.  I would love to reconnect!  I don’t read nearly as many blogs as I did in the past, simply because it takes so much time, but I will always take the time to come visit anyone who leaves me a sweet comment.

How has everyone been?  Anyone reading this at all?  Echo… echo…

news and new things

Finally, an update! I'm going to tell you a secret: I started working part time this week. One 4-day weekend already passed without me finding time to blog! That's how productive things have been around here. But I mean "productive" in REAL life. On Fridays, I am helping with goat cheese out at our friends' dairy. At the beginning of this week I applied for college, hoping I can finish up a 4-year degree since I only have a little 2-year one! At long last, tomorrow, I'm seeing a doctor about my ear problem that's been going on for probably 2 years --all that medicine a year and a half ago never really cleared up the problem!

So, that's what I've been doing! I feel sad that my blog has suffered, but I'm incredibly proud that I seem to be out of the rut I was in for about a year. I don't know if it came through on my blog or not, but I had no idea what I was doing that whole time I didn't have a job. And I wasn't really doing much with my spare time.

Now, on to the pretty stuff! When we were in Memphis last time, Robert's mom gave me a big selection of amazing vintage housewares!

Chalkware bird, hanging up in our kitchen. She gave me a couple of these with just fruit on them, too, but I'm not sure where to hang them.

Amazing yellow chair/stool. The foot stool folds up under the chair.

Last but not least: things Robert cross-stitched when he was a kid [Awesome Dude and Surfin' Pig]!!! Aren't these hilariously wonderful? I put them up in his office.

There were several more things, but I haven't had a chance to find places for them around our house yet. I'm happy that these colorful items are finding a new home, and that our house is so exciting. It's definitely not boring over here!

what can i say?

I am obviously being a terrible blogger right now!

I sit in front of a computer all day at work, so when I get home I don't really feel like getting near one. [And, sweet employee that I am, I haven't been using the internet at work to catch up on blog reading... YET] Instead, in my down time at home, I've been hanging out with some newly acquired toys: a hula hoop, a Hello Kitty coloring book, Picross 3D for the Nintendo DS. I can't even use my brain to think about real things anymore. I think I've turned into a 7 year old.

These are some of Robert's toys - Lego space cop and.. a bad guy?

If you walked into my house right now, you would think that there MUST be some children around... but it's just us.

I think it's going to be pretty quiet around here until I get some real time off. I haven't even taken any pictures in the last 2 weeks. I will be back in the not-too-distant future!

pink palace museum

Uh oh, I went a whole week without posting! It felt like a month. Here are the predictable apologies for being very busy. Things have balanced out quite a bit, though: I am way less stressed than I was a couple of weeks ago. I began working for a non-profit organization last week, and it's very close to my home. I was originally going to be part-time, but they've asked me to start out full-time just until I finish up this first project I'm working on. I won't share many details, but the important part is that I really like the work and I feel content with everything!

Here are some pictures from our (anniversary/birthday/graduation) visit to Memphis last weekend-- specifically our visit to the Pink Palace Museum! This was my second visit to the museum, and I believe we really only go there because it's a piece of nostalgia from Robert's childhood. Unfortunately, the museum seems to have very little funding and the exhibits haven't really been updated since the 80s. We mostly just like to pose with the scary mannequins.

At least they have a narwhal tusk!! They also have a shrunken head, but we didn't get around to it this time.

Here you use your imagination to "get small" and then look through some microscopes.

Or just pretend you have shadow friends.

They keep this dinosaur around, even though you can see he's falling apart. In the past he would stomp and roar if you gave him a quarter. He doesn't do anything now.

New friend?

He's a cool guy.

Next up: Early America! This picture always reminds me of Rasputina.

Are you ready for some mannequins? I'm leaving out the guy with the gangrenous foot (being sawed off by another mannequin). It's really gross.

Why, hello!

A pink-haired leprechaun is about to receive a shot from a jovial doctor... ?

This part always makes me cringe. You REALLY don't want to know what those tools are all for.

That's.. it. That's all I've got. Sweet dreams! I'll try to set up some more pleasant / less bizarre posts for this week. I'll also try to come round and visit everyone's blogs! Sorry I've been flaky!

the big 2 year anniversary

We're back home from our little trip to Memphis! It was a nice time and I have plenty of fun pictures to post... on another day when I'm not entirely exhausted! I need a nap.


Saturday night after Robert and I went out to dinner for our wedding anniversary, we got some ice cream. We were sitting outside on a bench and realized that we were basically in the exact same spot where we met for the first time in 2005 (after being friends online for a couple of years). So cute!! There's definitely nothing romantic about Memphis, but it is a really comfortable and nostalgic place because it's where a lot of important parts of our relationship started.

Hope everyone has a pleasant week!

i miss the calm

I'm still alive! And for the first time in a couple of weeks, I feel like I can breathe because we're taking a 4-day weekend. While it's been nice to make some money and have something semi-important to do, working full time has really overwhelmed me. It might be wimpy to admit that, but it's true! I miss having time to think and write, time to clean the house, and quiet time in general.

Next week I'll begin working 3 days a week, and I think I'll be able to cope much better with that. Maybe I was having housewife withdrawals, but I've been exhausted and cranky. Let's look at some calming images from the good times (a.k.a. a few weeks ago).

A perfect pie meringue! Made and baked by Robert, but I put the swirls on and I'm proud of my handiwork.

The good old days when the kitchen table was occasionally free of clutter [and I made centerpieces using wine glasses & roses? HA].

Stunning view from the top of the hill at Noble Springs Dairy. At least I can always go back there!

I've also missed having time to actually read and comment on blogs! I tried to catch up a little bit today, but I still feel like I've been a bit of a flake as far as being a blog-buddy. Sorry, everyone! Perhaps I'll adjust in the near future.

Tomorrow is our 2-year wedding anniversary, and we're heading down to Memphis for some adventures and also to attend the little brother[in-law]'s graduation! I'm planning to take a million pictures of everything, and hopefully I'll have time to post some things when we get back.

perspective

A very dramatic robin

I wanted to thank everybody who joined in on the conversation yesterday. I'm planning to reply to everyone in turn, when I have a bit more time. In retrospect, it looks like I was whining. A little self-indulgent whine is allowed on personal blogs, right? But there were some valid thoughts in there. Sometimes it's easy to lose perspective, and the comments I received did help me gain some. I've been trying to balance a lot of areas in my life lately, as well as trying to be more true to myself -- there are plenty of awkward moments in the process. Thanks for sticking with me!

And just so you know, I did go ahead and list that plaid skirt in my Etsy shop! It's been almost 2 months since anything was added to the shop, so that was somewhat refreshing.

mixed feelings

Here are some skirts I bought specifically to go into my Etsy shop, but which might never make it in. I thought they were too tight at the waist, but then I took pictures (intended for the item listings) and realized they're REALLY cute anyway, and now I'm trying to figure out if I'm willing to compromise comfort for style. It's a real conundrum. They will probably make their way into the shop in a few months, when I realize I'm not willing to be uncomfortable for more than 15 minutes. That's my prediction.


And here is an interesting blog post* on "bloggers with perfect, beautiful, craftsy lives" that make people feel jealous and insecure... or something. A part of me thinks it's a waste of ranting, because I know that blogs are a place for people to present themselves as they wish, and obviously most of us don't have perfect lives. We have insecurities, we have messes, we have problems - we just don't want to share them all of the time. Having control over a blog means you can ignore the bad stuff and show off the good stuff.


Another part of me understands that jealousy sentiment, though. There are times when I've fallen into that pit of browsing through seemingly-perfect pictures and lives and feeling like I will never be as talented or praised as others. And that's why I don't share everything on my blog all of the time. There are probably hundreds of pictures on my computer that I intended to blog about, but in the end just felt too inferior to post. And that's not cool.

I started this blog as a place to share some of my creativity (and also because I had recently quit my full time job and blogging was a fun, time-consuming activity). Over time, instead of just sharing things I would have done anyway, I think I started creating content specifically for the blog. There's nothing wrong with that, but it's just not what I intended to do, and I don't like the way things have been going.


I haven't been posting outfit photos as often, because I no longer feel the need. There was a time when I enjoyed the feedback and compliments, but I think I'm at a point in my life where I don't need that outside encouragement: I'm content to wear whatever and not show it off. [That's no guarantee I won't do more in the future, but it's how I feel at the moment.] On the flipside, I've been disappointed to discover that outfit posts garner the most comments. There are a few friendly, faithful readers who will comment on just about anything - and it means a lot to me! - but it can feel like an insult when I've taken the time to think out a blog post on some other topic that I find interesting and only get a handful of comments. What upsets me most is how upset I get over this petty stuff. It's really made me rethink my motives for blogging: why do I even keep this up?

This is in no way a warning that I'm about to delete my blog, or something to make readers feel guilty or other bloggers feel like I'm insulting them. I just thought it would be an interesting discussion to have. Do you ever feel this way about blogging?

*I can't believe that some of the bloggers they listed were people I interact with online... Girls, I guess you should take it as a compliment that your blogs are pretty enough to make it into such a piece!